Friday, July 29, 2011

"Negative" Thoughts

Looking inward is terrifying. My own potential. My potential to destroy as well as create. My power.

We throw that word around meaninglessly. Kierkegaard had it right. The true sadness is that we are unaware of ourselves. Not in the “I like bacon”; “I don’t like liver” sort of way. In the way I know that I can take a life because I have faced that. I can take a life. I could end the sum total of another’s experiences.

Whether I put these sentences together coherently with a set of pre-determined rules is what brings order to my life. Duh. It is order that brings order. It is structure that lets us become docile and complacent in our humanity. In our honesty. I cannot be honest as a painter because I am too wrapped up in the order that I have. Values first. It must read small. Remember to make it colorful. Squint. The same order that makes math fun. PEMDAS. It is a way of sheltering ourselves. It is a way of helping our “sanity” at the loss of our self understanding. Laws and restrictions keep us from knowing who we truly are. How would I communicate without this structure—this language? I will likely never know. And that may be my loss.

My generation faces an existential crisis because we have followed all the rules. We have not had to question the constraints we, and our society put on us. We fill ourselves with the menial—the trivial—so that we can be at peace with our absolute lack of self awareness. Our cubical jobs, our mortgage, or boss, our teacher, our paycheck, the kids, the news, these are the signs of our constraint. Our constraint is our belief that these things matter.

We face the only time we get to experience this adventure into the human condition and we fill ourselves with the trivial, first impression, skin deep observation of what true power and exquisite potential we possess. To fully understand these things may be our undoing. The people who have faced themselves often don’t come back. They become locked in the reality of their true and absolute existence. They are forced to relive the consequences of having looked into the mirror and having seen themselves. No longer potential but actualized. And I can say I never want to see more than my potential. I don’t want to see those “Dark” aspects manifest. I don’t want to see my true potential power. My true “Evil.” I am too comfortable with my estranged relation to myself. But without my “Negative Self” actualized, I will always live with a stranger in my head. That is my existential despair. The trick is that I must never forget my potential. I must never forget my other self.

He may be the greatest enemy to my happiness, but the greatest enemy to my humanity is the voice that disregards him as “Evil.”

(This is an unedited journal entry.)

Saturday, July 23, 2011


The American adventure into space, which started nearly fifty years ago, saw the landing of its last shuttle at 5:57 a.m. on Thursday.

For centuries, our species has found the next big adventure and jumped in.

Whether it be a flight of fancy,

or a harrowing journey to an unexplored land,

we carry the spirit of adventure to the next horizon.

There we find beauty.

We find mystery.

We find majesty.

Is it possible that we are the generation who has the burden of saying that, because space exploration doesn't turn a quarterly profit, it is not worth our time?

We don't have to let money dictate our dreams.

On a side note, this is Timmy.

I keep him under my bed to ward away monsters.

Monday, July 18, 2011

All Day Speed Painting

So after finding out that The Lion Sleeps Tonight is an incredibly old African hunting song, I decided to see if there were any dubstep versions.
There are.
They are terrible.

I always imagine dubstep as the music that large robots dance to.

(1.5 hours from imagination)

(1.5 hour from a photo)

I have been trying to figure out how to paint faces.

(30 min. from a photo)

(30 min. from a photo)

(30 min. from a photo)

(1 hour from a photo)

(1 hour from a photo)

Fine folk, I have been anti-socially on my computer for the better part of the day, so without further adieu, I wish you all a beautiful night!

(45 min. from imagination)

Sunday, July 10, 2011

A Scattered Summary of Speed Paintings

I've heard it said that on average the trauma of moving is greater than that of loosing a spouse.

(30 min. from a photo)

Being that I don't have a spouse, i can't really attest to the truth of that statement. After a month of moving two houses, though, I can certainly say that it is immensely unpleasant. There is a sort of horrific nostalgia to the process of repeatedly putting yourself in contact with memories you are no longer a part of. Then you are faced with the choice of what parts of your childhood you can keep and what parts you no longer have room for.

(30 min. from a photo)

So many memories have become homeless.
I've been trying to keep my sanity in tact by doing speed paintings.

(1.5 hours from imagination)

Though it did not make the moving process any more fun, it did help keep me sane.
My first few paintings were a bit rough.

(30 min. from a photo)

(30 min from a photo)

(1 hour from a photo)

I'm never sure whether or not people know this is a painting of the surf.

(1 hour from a photo)

Shortly after doing this painting, I discovered how to turn on the pressure sensitivity on my Wacom tablet.

(45 min. from imagination)

I no longer felt as though I was imprisoned by this "helpful" technology.
(Speaking of which, I just figured out a faster way of placing these images into my blog-- woohoo!!!)

(30 min. from a photo)

(30 min. from imagination)

(30 min. from a photo)

(30 min. from imagination)

I painted these last five today. The similarities are quite intentional. My newest assignment to myself is to take what I've learned from painting a photo and translate it to something from my imagination.

Well, it's time for me to go. I hope you all have a fantastic evening.

And please, don't do anything too crazy =)

(30 min. from a photo --Rioters in Greece)